Focus on Yourself First, not Others

I have long thought if we focused less on others and more on ourselves that we would all be a lot happier. And by focused on ourselves, I mean on our own negative perceptions, criticisms, and ingrained discriminations, as well as finding more ways to express our love, compassion, and generosity. If we cannot delve deep within ourselves and face the truth, we will never truly love ourselves – and most definitely not others… for we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

I have been thinking about how we judge others by what we fear in ourselves. If we see another race, we are afraid of being different like them. If an overweight person walks by, we cringe at the thought that we are too large ourselves. And when we judge a working mother for not being with her kids, we outwardly lash out on tarnishing the traditional role of a woman, but inwardly we are either scared of going into the workplace ourselves or we are jealous of her achievements.

We condemn others for what we feel ourselves… is this fair to them, or to you?  We put far too much attention on what others think and not enough contemplation on ourselves.  Setting pride, fear, insecurity, and ego aside, I believe if you focus on the root of what truly feels good to you, then you will always make the right decision.  If you dig deep enough, the answers are there – one must be quiet enough to hear them.

Keep in mind that our inner hate gets projected onto others, and unfortunately, either directly or inadvertently, always on the ones we love most.  Our anger, loneliness, and depression… it manifests in ways to protect ourselves, but not only do we hurt along the way, we also allow those emotions to be unfairly taken out on others- the victims of our self-loathing.  We need to have enough self-realization to pause, reflect on what is bothering us and find the truth in our emotion.  Work with it, write about, analyze it…. it is usually part of a bigger problem that is crying out for your attention.  There are so many places to go for help, seek it out.  The support is there in non-profits, books, webinars, therapists, government agencies, friends and family.  I will be building out a Resources page to incorporate links to support groups… if you need help now, please reach out to me and together we can find a suitable place for  you.

Let’s switch gears and think about the main thought above for a moment…

Think about who and what adversely stirs up your emotions… then ask yourself why. Is it sadness, anger, resentment… or what? Then delve into that thought further… where does it originate from – low self-esteem, a bad memory, a repressed fear. Understand that feeling, make peace with it, forgive others who have conjured up that emotion, and most importantly, forgive yourself.  I found I blamed others for difficult times in my life, but only until I went back to that painful memory, did I also realize that I had a hand in what happened.

I was not always the victim I thought I was-  I hurt them too.

Not only until I took responsibility for my actions and shared in some of the blame, was I able to begin to heal.  And wow, what a feeling!  A weighted burden is released when you can let go of the pain.  You feel lighter, you feel freer, you feel more love.  Not to say that this process is easy – I know it is not, but it is a hell of a lot easier than living your life carrying heavy baggage of torment around.  I ask you – try to alleviate your load so you, too, can allow space for good feelings and productive thoughts to come in. Bonus is their baggage is a lot lighter too.

In order to find a deeper happiness, a happiness that not only you experience yourself, but also one you can share with the world…

Start with yourself.

Ask yourself the hard questions and do the work to unearth the answers so you can understand what holds you back and what is contributing to the negativity in your life.

Find your peace.  Find your happiness.  It starts with you.



It is the intention of this site is to create more love and less hate, so in order to protect the sanctity of this forum, I ask you to respect my judgment-free zone where everyone can safely share without worry of criticism.  I welcome all productive and positive contributions to this open forum, in any way you wish to accomplish this.  



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